| um cigar aficionados need a good laugh as much as | | | | deadly weapon; in this case, a pair of men with their |
| anyone--especially in these troubled economic times. | | | | hands in their pockets (as if carrying guns) robbed a |
| So here are a few of the funniest recent news | | | | local Speedway, making off with fifty-five cigars of a |
| stories touching on the world of premium cigars. Call | | | | brand that I won't name, except to say that it |
| these the jests in Lady Nicotine's court. | | | | wasn't exactly a premium brand. |
| First up, there's the case of the man who loved his | | | | If only all these folks had known that many premium |
| premium cigar too much. Is such a thing possible? | | | | cigars are also available at a discount via the Internet. |
| Well, if it leads to mug shots being taken, the answer | | | | Ordering premium discount cigars online is a much |
| is yes. We all like to save money on our premium | | | | better deal than having to come up with fifty |
| cigars now and then--which is why it's especially | | | | thousand dollars in bail each--which is the bail set by |
| important to have a discount premium cigar store | | | | Howell, New Jersey, police for the four men involved |
| saved to your "Favorites" list on your web browser. | | | | in the cigar store robbery, who were apprehended |
| But when you're stealing boxes of premium cigars | | | | and charged before the break-in could become a |
| from your local gas station, you're not a cigar | | | | reality. |
| aficionado--you're just a stick-up artist. | | | | In other funny cigar-related news, economic crises |
| Newspapers report that exactly this scenario | | | | often breed a certain entrepreneurial ingenuity--the |
| unfolded recently near Palm Beach, Florida, where a | | | | inventor of Monopoly came up with the game to kill |
| man wearing a black ski mask (just like in the | | | | time during a Depression-era lay-off, for |
| movies) robbed a local Citgo at gunpoint. He made | | | | example--and these days, that same ingenuity is |
| off with all the cash in the register--and a cigar box. | | | | combining with widespread anti-smoking sentiment to |
| Nothing else. No candies, condoms or air fresheners; | | | | create … the electronic cigar. An American |
| no auto parts, magazines, or food. This guy must | | | | company is making a tobacco-free, |
| have known exactly what he was after. Points to | | | | no-secondhand-smoke-producing doohickey that |
| him for the depth and degree of his cigar | | | | (they claim) allows smokers to enjoy the pleasures |
| appreciation, but not for his way of showing it. | | | | of smoking without actually … smoking. The |
| Unfortunately, the name of the cigar brand that he | | | | prospects for this one don't appear especially bright, |
| chose to rip off has not been released to the public. | | | | but the funny mental picture it creates may be |
| Hope they can recoup the loss--and that the poor | | | | worth something. |
| attendant who was robbed has recovered from the | | | | Though he, too, had an entrepreneurial streak (he |
| trauma. | | | | created many inventions, most of which failed |
| A similar incident was recently reported in Rosenberg, | | | | financially, including a breakdown-prone typesetting |
| Texas. This case involved a seventeen-year-old man | | | | machine that was supplanted by the Linotype), the |
| burgling eighty dollars' worth of cigars from a local | | | | great Mark Twain is one premium cigar aficionado |
| Shamrock station. Hopefully this young man's parents | | | | whom one can't imagine touching such a device with |
| can straighten him out--and at least this robbery | | | | a ten-foot pole. Some of Twain's private and |
| didn't involve holding anyone at gunpoint. The same | | | | unpublishable writing--the kind that he literally kept in |
| goes for a Howell, New Jersey incident in which four | | | | a box, knowing it would ruin his reputation--has just |
| men--ages 21, 34, 35, and 36--bypassed the gas | | | | seen print, finally, as the hundredth anniversary of |
| station entirely and went straight for a cigar shop. | | | | the father of American literature's death approaches. |
| (Greater age, apparently, does not bring wisdom.) | | | | Among these pieces is a long "interview" between |
| Reports are unclear concerning whether a fourth | | | | Twain and Satan that features many of the former's |
| similar robbery--this one occurring in Youngstown, | | | | reflections on cigars. For premium cigar aficionados, it |
| Ohio, the birthplace of poets Kenneth Patchen and | | | | is must reading. The book is entitled Who Is Mark |
| Hart Crane--involved the threat of assault with a | | | | Twain? |